I am not okay , you are not okay....but then that's okay !!

Perfect Parenting has picked up like never before. 

When we fail to do the right thing at the right moment or we get intimidated by our peer parents, the feeling of guilt and the self-afflicted loser trait gets us into one of the below situations:

a) Redouble your efforts to attain perfection, even if it’s giving you a headache.

b) Flog yourself till you bleed

c) Shut the mind and thoughts and go take a warm shower.

d) Thank the guilt and stare at it accepting its presence

Now walk backward and see what all you could have done to be the parent that your children might have wanted instead of berating yourself.

Not surprisingly, research shows that (d) works best, particularly when you give yourself a pat on the back and accept that you're doing the best you can at the moment. Ignoring the problem (c) doesn't work. Beating yourself up (b) doesn't work. And perfectionism (a) doesn't work.

 Join the club of humanity! We are perfectly imperfect.

Most of us think that trying to be Super-Parent makes us better people. But if you pay attention, you'll see that your quest for perfection isn't good for your family. If we’re always scanning for what’s not quite perfect, we're always finding fault with ourselves. We're giving our children the message that they aren't quite good enough. We're not giving ourselves unconditional love, so we can't give it to our kids, either.

But once we accept that "I'm not ok, and you're not ok, but that's ok!" we’re more loving and compassionate, more forgiving of our own and others’ humanity. We stretch our hearts, so we become more peaceful parents and happier people.

So just say no to the Perfect Parent Myth and lose the guilt. Remind yourself that what kids really need is for you to model how to be a gracious, loving human in the face of our inevitable human imperfections. Your children won't remember what you wore, or whether your house was picked up. But they will remember how you apologized for your mistakes and tried to understand when things got tough between you.

They will like when you let go! When you said it was okay to make mistakes and learn from them. 

Give yourself permission to make mistakes and say the wrong thing to your child sometimes. (It’ll happen whether you give yourself permission or not!) Instead of beating yourself up, take one step in the direction you want to go. Walk away when you're mad, instead of yelling. Step back from a power struggle and reconnect. Try to see things from their perspective.

You'll find you're letting go of trying to be perfect, and of needing to be right. Instead, you're modeling for your child how to reconnect, heal, and deepen your relationship.

You’ll be surprised how much more perfect your child thinks you are !

Like it is said,

"Ring the bells that still can ring. Forget your perfect offering. There is a crack in everything; that's how the light gets in." 

-Leonard Cohen