How NOT to be a Badass helicopter parent...

Before I rant , Lets look at a few scenarios.

What exactly happens to you when you think about your child's future ? 

Do you become anxious or do you feel relaxed and nonchalant?

Or are you both (at the same time)?

Lets take it one by one.....

• Relaxed Soul- Shows that your child is fairly independent and a good decision maker . They are of the genre that do not need an auto suggestion. So cheers Dearie ! You have done a great job with your child and you sit back,  soak in your own glory.
• Anxious Amma - A string of bad decisions or behavioral antics by your kid!! Or lets put it this way-A string of bad decisions and antics by your kid that worried "You". Maybe it wasn't a bad decision at all. It was just a set of few different choices that worried you. But generic parental tendencies are to be anxious about our children. Sounds familiar?

If the latter is true, before hitting the panic mode, take a step back and objectively view your child as a stand alone individual. It is tough, but look at your own child as a stranger whose details you know but dint know the kid personally. Maybe you’ll see that your child is wise as well and that all the anxiety does is ruin your health.Even if there are a few bad decisions in your child’s past, give them another chance. They might just surprise you.

Now coming to latest jargon in town...

Tadaaa!!! 

Helicopter Parenting-;)

Extreme anxiety about child and milestones can lead to helicopter parenting that takes a toll on your child too. Helicopter parents are always hovering around their kids , auto suggesting, auto correcting, showing the rule book, protecting and advising without a penny charge, even in a situation that the kid can tackle alone.This definitely limits their social abilities and stifles the process to merge with the ecosystem because the helicopter parent always steps in to hold hands.

Well ! The consequences on your child are far more. Children have this innate ability to decide and set preferences to anything that is appealing and vice versa when something is not. Say, your child comes home with a bag full of complaints  about a classmate or a taunt experience ( of course something that can be dealt lightly and not any bullying) , a normal parent will let go and explain how standing up for oneself is important. Whereas a helicopter parent will immediately call the classmate's parent to set it straight.You’re not really doing your child a favor.That call is more for you than for him. He is probably going to get taunted further or maybe even become a slight outcast because of your actions. You are giving your child a chance to duck very early in life.

A healthy discussion and lending an ear to the kids , talking about school and classmates can be a good way to stay connected and keep pace with the child's growth, but helicopter parents usually seek a minute by minute update and expect the child to be within eye-shot whenever possible. Even though the current social issues make us act out of concern, but it limits a child's independence and opportunities to explore and engage.

A word of caution to all the helicoptering pre-teen parents ! If your hovering trends aren't corrected, and they keep happening when your child hits their teen, be prepared to get a backlash even if they did not mind this when they were younger. A general teenager is secretive, yearns for freedom and privacy. Tactfully stepping back yet being connected is the need.

So what can an anxious parent do? 

There are a few steps any helicopter parent can use to break the cycle

• Lets make a list of things that we as parents do, yet can be done  by kids. 
• Now stop doing things on the list. Don't do a surgical strike and immediately stop. Do it gradually and one by one.
• Start with the easy stuff, the things you can casually stop doing for them without boosting your anxiety.
•  As you watch them complete these tasks with no help, your confidence in their abilities will grow. Thus making it easier for you to stop doing even the tougher stuff.
• Let them do those things they’ve been asking permission for. Those tasks which you realize are not really dangerous to them but were only denied due to the anxiety it causes you. 
• Make them understand that you will not fix everything for them. If somebody called them a name, they should resolve it. They will have to learn to be their own person and fix their own problems.

If they’re extremely used to you doing certain things for them even though they’re capable of doing it themselves and are adamant that you do it for them. Remove yourself from the scenario. If they throw a tantrum, let them. Eventually, they’ll do what they have to by themselves and they will be all the more independent for it.

Don’t give them too much space

Yes! you read that right! After all this I-Know-It -All free Gyan, now this?

What we should auto suggest ourselves is that we are not removing ourselves from the equation completely. There are basic growing, discipline and pre-conditioned things that we damn need to follow with kids. But all that we are trying here is to give them room and allow them bloom..Simply remember not to step in if the task is something they can and should do for themselves.

If you have queries ? Lets Connect and discuss.